• 0Shopping Cart
  • Home
  • New to SCI
        • Peer and Whānau Support

          • Peer & Whānau Support
          • Community Peer & Whānau Support
          • Peer Support
          • Whānau Support
          • Connect to Peer & Whānau Support now

          Getting back to Work (Vocational Rehabilitation)
          Return to Work

          Autonomic Dysreflexia
          What you need to know

          Wheelie Good Tips
          Check out our video series

          The Disability Iceberg
          Free Resource

        • SCI 101
          Effects of an SCI

          • Life after the Spinal Unit
          • Leaving the Spinal Unit
          • Autonomic Dysreflexia
          • The Disability Iceberg
        • Bowel and Bladder

          • Bladder Problems
          • Managing your bowel
        • Skin Care

          • Pressure Areas
          • Pressure Area Management

          General Information and Other Links

  • I want to help
        • Fundraise

          • Back Bone Crew
          • Start your own fundraising campaign
          • Let me donate now
          • Fundraiser Fun campaigns
          • Entertainment Memberships

          Volunteer

          • Burwood Hospital Volunteer Service
          • NZ Spinal Trust Volunteers
        • Partner
          We have developed positive, meaningful partnerships with businesses who sponsor us.

          • Helpful Businesses
          • Our Funders
          • How you can partner with NZST
          • Our Sponsors

          Invest
          Will you choose to invest in our future?

          • Leave a gift in your Will
          • Gifts in Wills – FAQs
        • Why we need your help

          Online store

        • Contact us
          Get in touch

          • info@nzspinaltrust.org.nz

          Burwood Hospital
          300 Burwood Road

          Auckland Spinal
          Rehabilitation Unit
          30 Bairds Road, Otahuhu

  • I need information
        • News

          Getting back to Work (Vocational Rehabilitation)
          Return to Work

          Peer and Whānau Support

          • Peer & Whānau Support
          • Community Peer & Whānau Support
          • Peer Support
          • Whānau Support
          • Connect to Peer & Whānau Support now

          Autonomic Dysreflexia

          • Telling it like it is
          • Printable Autonomic Dysreflexia Poster
          • Printable Autonomic Dysreflexia – Wallet card
          • Printable Medical Professionals AD Wallchart
        • Resource Centre
          Helpful resources for SCI people, their whānau, and carers.

          • Visit the Resource Centre
          • Become a member

          Ask Dr B Information Service

          Online store

           

        • ACC sponsored Head Space book

          Wheelie Good Tips
          Useful tips, tricks and life hacks for living a confident, productive, and independent life with an SCI.

          Spinal Network News (SNN) Magazine

          General Information and Other Links

        • New Zealand Spinal Cord Injury Registry (NZSCIR)

          • NZSCIR – Statistics
          • NZSCIR – Background and Governance
          • NZSCIR – Registration of Interest

          Who we are

          Our staff

          The Trust’s beginnings

          Our Trustees and Patrons

          COVID-19, Omicron and SCI
          What should we know in particular?

  • How do I?
        • Getting back to Work (Vocational Rehabilitation)
          Return to Work

          Peer and Whānau Support Connect to Peer & Whānau Support now

           

           

        • Getting back on the road

          • Driving after an SCI
          • Funding for Vehicle Costs

          Travel after an SCI 

          • Tips for travelling

           

        • Carers

          • Taking care of the Carers

          Wheelie Good Tips
          Useful tips, tricks and life hacks for living a confident, productive, and independent life with an SCI.

          • Wheelie Good Tips
  • Contact
  • Donate
  • Search
  • Menu Menu
You are here: Home1 / I need information2 / Autonomic Dysreflexia3 / Telling it like it is

Telling it like it is

Teina Boyd

Silver Lining: I’m still here

I cried last night.

Twice.

Once from overwhelming gratitude. Love.

The other from regret. This couldn’t be the end…

Rewind.

Volleyball nationals and its semi-final night. Two of my best mates are out there playing hard, and I’m SO excited. Great volley everywhere and I’m surrounded by beautiful friends.

Literally surrounded.

Flopped over in my wheelchair beside a packed-out bleacher, I was having a pressure relief.

Toots chatting away in one ear, keeping me updated on the scores while my eyes were down in action. Leigh snuggled up on my right armrest. Damo leaning on the back of my chair – being patient with my little man as he asks a million questions, Nick standing nearby… where he’s been for the last two days.

I feel loved.

I can’t tell you how much this all means to me. My friends treating my chair so mundanely. It’s not a huge white elephant in the room, or something to avert your eyes from. It’s just…my chair.

Leigh puts her hand on my back, and Toots asks if I’m ready to come up. Their love and acceptance of my disability – it floors me.

Heke ana nga roimata. The tears fall.

How happy can one person be? Is there a limit? If there is – I’m stretching it.

Toots lifts me back up in my chair as I try to keep my face down and hide the tears. She sees anyway. Damn it. I explain. I’m just happy. And grateful. And I love them.

Cue hugs from the girls and one of the guys telling me to “Shush Man”. It’s enough to make me laugh and get back into the games.

Fast forward.

Both courts are on the fifth set.

Something’s wrong.

I thought I was just getting excited – short quick breaths. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. I could feel my heart speeding up, my lungs getting harder to use (weak things that they are), my body starting to sweat and a headache creeping in.

Shit. Autonomic Dysreflexia. My body is trying to warn me something’s seriously wrong.

I need to lower my blood pressure. Quick.

“Sharon, we need to leave, now please”.

This last week my volleyball family have done such an amazing job at welcoming me back, I don’t want to pay them back by having a heart attack in the middle of the semi-finals.

Sharon and I get in the van and boost. The hospital is so far away. Damn it.

“GO Sharon, get me home now, I’ll pay the tickets.”

(Silver lining: Sharon, my carer, is great at ignoring speed limits)

Home has everything I need to fix this, and quick.

The headache becomes all consuming. There are moments where I lose my vision, others when I just see red. The pain is only just bearable. I have to stay ‘with it’, I have to instruct my carers to tell them how to fix me.

Police lights. Shit. I’m declining fast.

“Sharon, pull over. Get out. Come to me”.

She does.

“Take my binder off please, we need to lower my blood pressure. I’ll talk to him”.

She’s panicking, fumbling with my top. Shit, last thing I need.

“Deep breaths Sharon, you’re doing awesome”. I try to smile for her.

He’s there. Yellow neon police vest hurts my eyes. I don’t let him talk.

“Sir. I need you to listen. I don’t have long. I am suffering autonomic dysreflexia and I am on my way to having a heart attack. I need to get home to my emergency medication. Now”.

He looks stunned. I go blind.

(Silver lining: He listened. He took us home)

Blurs, flashing lights, panicked voices. I’m lost in the dark and can’t get enough of a mental foothold to come back. Shit is this it?

It can’t be. I didn’t even kiss and hug Willie goodbye. Or Brad. Or Anna. Or Nick, Toots or Leigh.

No way. This is NOT it.

I get enough of a foothold to focus on my breathing. Deeper, slower. After a minute, I can talk again.

“Sharon. Pain killers. On fridge. GTN spray. On bedside table. Get them. Quick”.

She runs. She’s crying. Leuila Is running up the driveway… I’m so glad it’s changeover of shift time. Four hands are better than two.

I’m gone again. No warning.

Then I’m back, confused. Trying to make sense of everything through the headache.

“Get me on the bed, quick. Check my bladder and bowel. Emergency catheter change. Now”.

Shit even I sound a bit panicked now. I can hear it reflected in their voices. In the sound of them dropping medical supplies and their hurried breaths.

“Guys. You’re doing great. Deep breaths K. We got this”.

They’re crying. But I feel their energy change. Refocus.

This time I do make a smile for them.

“Leuila. Emergency catheter change. Sharon. Call an ambulance”.

I’m gone.

I’m back. This headache, I hate it. Why can’t I see? I’m sweating. I hear Sharon panicking on the phone.

“Give me the phone Shaz, it’s ok”.

She holds the phone to my ear.

I’m blind. Talking hurts. But I can do it. I can’t hear the operator. My heart is beating fast, and loud. I think it’s ripped itself out of my chest and someone’s shoved it back into my head. How is my heartbeat so loud?

“Ambulance please”.

I talk to the man on the other end of the line. He doesn’t understand the urgency. I’m calm, I explain. Slowly. Words are hard. My lungs. They want to rest.

My head is ready to explode. I see white….and the pain stops for a second. The pain, its rallying its forces for the next attack. I relax….I start planning for the worst.

“Sharon. I don’t have a will. It all goes to Brad for Willie K?”.

“Yes T”.

They’re crying again. I quietly join in. I know Brad will be fair and give my family anything they need.

I’m gone again… I slip away quietly this time. One loud, painful heartbeat overwhelms me. A dam bursts in my head…and I’m carried away on the flood as the light fades.

I’m yanked back roughly. I’m in the ambulance. Beeping machines. A kind face. Her lips are moving but I can’t hear her. I smile. The headache is so much quieter. I can breathe again. I fill my lungs.

YES!

I see the blood pressure monitor.

220/177. Shit.

(Silver lining: I’m still here)

I blink heavily…I’m gone again. I don’t think I’m coming back this time guys. Sorry.

So many regrets. But they float away with me. We disappear. I remember the sound of rushing water, and everything fading to black… Including me.

It’s silent, and dark… I feel like I’m waiting, but I don’t know what for.

Stubble on my cheek. I feel it.

I feel it?

I open my heavy eyelids.

Brad. Hugging me gently. Sammy behind him, smiling with teary eyes. I’m in the hospital.

Wait…I’m waking up?

I feel…. I can actually focus my eyes.

My mind too. Headache’s smaller. It’s more like the neighbour’s bass playing on a Friday night now, instead of The Prodigy playing at the base of my skull.

Whoa that feels good. I feel lighter. Pain easing. Blood pressure settling. Inhale…lungs filling.

YES!

Eyes close…exhale and smile.

I’m not going anywhere tonight.

PEER & WHĀNAU SUPPORT

Our Peer and Whānau Support have people all over New Zealand available to share their experience and to listen to what’s happening for you.

Connect to Peer & Whānau Support now

Social Media

Check out our social pages below

Facebook YouTube Instagram Vimeo

Would you like to help us

Check out these options …

Annual Appeal 2024
How you can partner with NZST
Back Bone Crew
Start your own fundraising campaign

shielded

Get in touch

Contact us
info@nzspinaltrust.org.nz

Facebook linkedin YouTube Instagram Vimeo

Newsletter

Our newsletters are informative, inspiring and entertaining. Subscribe below to get them sent direct to your inbox.

Subscribe

How we can help

Peer and Whānau Support
Opportunities for work and study
Become a member
Ask Dr B Information service
Contact Us

About us

Who we are
The Trust’s beginnings
Our Staff
Our Trustees and Patrons
Privacy Policy
Terms of Website Use
Terms and Conditions of Supply
Returns Policy for Online Orders

New Zealand Spinal Trust 2022 | Charities Commission No. CC43195

Scroll to top

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Accept settings

Cookie and Privacy Settings



How we use cookies

We may request cookies to be set on your device. We use cookies to let us know when you visit our websites, how you interact with us, to enrich your user experience, and to customize your relationship with our website.

Click on the different category headings to find out more. You can also change some of your preferences. Note that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our websites and the services we are able to offer.

Essential Website Cookies

These cookies are strictly necessary to provide you with services available through our website and to use some of its features.

Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, refusing them will have impact how our site functions. You always can block or delete cookies by changing your browser settings and force blocking all cookies on this website. But this will always prompt you to accept/refuse cookies when revisiting our site.

We fully respect if you want to refuse cookies but to avoid asking you again and again kindly allow us to store a cookie for that. You are free to opt out any time or opt in for other cookies to get a better experience. If you refuse cookies we will remove all set cookies in our domain.

We provide you with a list of stored cookies on your computer in our domain so you can check what we stored. Due to security reasons we are not able to show or modify cookies from other domains. You can check these in your browser security settings.

Google Analytics Cookies

These cookies collect information that is used either in aggregate form to help us understand how our website is being used or how effective our marketing campaigns are, or to help us customize our website and application for you in order to enhance your experience.

If you do not want that we track your visit to our site you can disable tracking in your browser here:

Other external services

We also use different external services like Google Webfonts, Google Maps, and external Video providers. Since these providers may collect personal data like your IP address we allow you to block them here. Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. Changes will take effect once you reload the page.

Google Webfont Settings:

Google Map Settings:

Google reCaptcha Settings:

Vimeo and Youtube video embeds:

Other cookies

The following cookies are also needed - You can choose if you want to allow them:

Privacy Policy

You can read about our cookies and privacy settings in detail on our Privacy Policy Page.

Privacy Policy
Accept settingsHide notification only